My parents are divorced. No longer married to each-other. Although it’s been a few years now, the sting of the aftermath hits me at random times. Regardless of the “why” or “reasons” - divorce sucks. Period. As an adult child I honestly was suuuper shocked at how much my world was and is affected by the realities of divorce. I’ve experienced some really unexpected shifts and have been wrestling with the way I now view myself, God, men and also something that I am working on “reclaiming”- time.
This is no shade to my loving mom or amazing dad, and in no way is this meant to be a blog that throws them under the bus, shame’s my family name, their decisions or any of those other completely hurtful things petty people may do. I am solely focusing on the realities of my life as a result of this new “normal”, and for the first time openly sharing some of my not so glamorous “story”.
He's still good
If you’ve read any of my other blogs, seen any of the bright photos on this IG timeline you know that my 20’s (and now 30’s-ah!) have been super adventurous and packed with lots of smiles! Despite what felt like an embarrassing tragedy in my family, God still managed to be good. I’ve made some pretty solid friendships in California, traveled on a dream missions trip/vacation to Africa a few times, Accepted a position at a wonderful organization helping children in crisis- & actually using my (expensive) Masters Degree--overall I am doing pretty decent. However, to keep it 100, divorce sometimes has me feeling stuck, super robbed of purpose, and at times has left me envious of others who live the life I believed was promised to me, and my family. wth.
I recently spent a weekend in the beautiful Malibu mountains at Camp Erin with grieving children who had experienced the death of a parent or grandparent. Gosh, that weekend about ripped my heart out. Hearing and watching these tiny adorable kids honor their dead father or mother at the closing ceremony was something that broke my spirit and took me back to the divorce. Ugh!
Although my parents are alive, i stiiiiiill find myself grieving the old life, the loved shared and the time we all had together. We totally still love each other, but the family dynamics have changed forever & at times it makes me really sad.
Talking about divorce, death or loss in general is not sexy. Subjects like this make most people feel awkward and/or depressed. Real talk I wanted to write this because if there was one thing I took away from the cabin of grieving teens it is the power of speaking your truth.
To take y'all to church, the Bible speaks about overcoming by the blood of the lamb and the power of our testimony. Revelation 12:11
I watched crying girls who all bonded through their shared pain become closer to healing, and wholeness by the power of their testimony. They listened compassionately to one another, some offered the sweetest simple words of encouragement while others kept quiet. They sobbed on each others shoulders and were supportive in ways that helped to significantly re frame their worlds. None of the tears brought back their dead loved ones- but sharing the pain made the journey more bearable. It moved them closer down the road toward healing... out of feeling alone and stuck, towards hope.
Reclaiming my time
His talk was dope, and very on point as I seek to partner with God to continue living the full, purposeful life he still has for me! Regardless of my parent’s marital status, feelings of shame, embarrassment, jealousy or nostalgia- I can’t let divorce steal the precious time I have left on earth. Divorce doesn’t prevent or abort God’s plans for any of us. His blessings are still yes and amen! He is still the great I AM. My provider. My comforter. My Shepherd. My good good father. As long as I am breathing, there is still an opportunity to maximize the days with passion and hope! (Did you catch that pun?!, maximize like Maxine lolol)
For all children with divorced parents, especially adult children, my heart aches for you- but know that you aren’t alone. Find safe places to share your pain. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Forgive your parents. Make the choice to keep walking in faith and believing in love! Cherish each moment you have with the people that mean the most to you.
Cry. Laugh. Get up. Love. Pray. Repeat.
Speak your truth.
Reclaim your time.